its right hard to remember that on a day like today
If there is one thing I miss about school/college, it is structure. I don't like having unstructured days, the whole floaty-student schedule thing suits some people here down to the ground but I just want to be busy busy busy all day, and I don't know why but I just really kind of miss the rigidity of it all. I don't mean it was tedious or repetitive in a monotonous way; while I certainly don't miss getting up at 7am on frosty mornings for school, even college was structured in a looser way. I should probably have known uni wouldn't feel like that!
I feel like I'm waiting, waiting for something big to happen. And there was a time when I just assumed it would be leaving home.
But thats fine, of course it wouldn't be the first thing that came along.
So I'm still waiting, and actually (on good days) I'm massively excited about the future..having a job, a career, a life.
Its like there is a constant massive battle between what I should do, should say, should think, and reality. It's should vs is.
Well I realise that that has to stop. It doesn't matter what should be, there is only what IS, and think of all the potential you're missing out on because you've got your head turned the other way. Stop feeling inadequate. The past is done, and the future is a little bit scary, so the present is where your head needs to be at, the present is what you live and what you can change.
Give it time.
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
You are coping admirably.
Enjoy every second.
If we said these things to ourselves, every day, how much braver might we be?
Think how proud you're going to be, when this is over
and your life is sussed
and you're achieving the things you want
because you didn't give up
and you can look back on these days as nothing more than memories.
Hopefully, fond ones.
(If you read all this, I heart you.)